“Don’t use no double negatives.”

Yeah, that’s right.  What better way to remember  good writing advice, than to see the mistake in action?

A few more for you…

1. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
2. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
3. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!
4. Check to see if you any words out.
5. About repetition, the repetition of a word might be real effective repetition – take, for instance the repetition of Abraham Lincoln.
6. It behooves us all to avoid archaic expressions.
7. In my opinion, I think that an author when he is writing should definitely not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he does not really need in order to put his message across.
8. To ignorantly split an infinitive is a practice to religiously avoid.
9. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

I wish I could take credit for these beauties, but the longer, original lists have been published over at this site.

Some are self-evident.  Others make you think.  All of them will improve your writing.

Go take a look, and enjoy.

How long can you listen to someone talk about himself before you get bored?

Sure, you’ll be polite and continue listening, but at some point you’ll start to think “Gosh, this person is taking up a lot of air time!” (Excepting, of course, the occasion when that’s the point; an autobiography, reading from a memoir, or explaining some personal triumph.)

The same is true when a company writes about itself, except that the potential consequences are more severe. Online readers’ primary question is almost always ‘What’s in it for me?’

How well do these two sentences present their answer?

“Acme Company is a research and consulting firm that helps companies measure, manage and market their social and environmental performance. Our research can help you identify the relevant channels and relationships you need to start or grow your market.”

Oi.
Aside from being ‘acme-centric’ this copy is dull and dreary.

First, let’s invigorate the message with some color.
Second, let’s re-arrange the promise to answer the reader’s basic question as quickly as possible. Once we’ve hooked ‘em, we can go into why we can satisfy our promise.

“Do your clients know how socially and environmentally responsible your company is?
To tell them you’ve got to measure, manage and market your performance.
Spur growth through the right channels and relationships with research-based consultation.
Get started now with Acme Company.”

Notice we’re using plain language. The technical credentials can wait until after site visitors are interested.
Also, there’s no mention of Acme until the very end. We want to focus the reader’s attention on his top priority; his company.
Last, the final sentence provides a direct call to action; very important on website copy.

Short, sweet, and reader-centered.
What do *you* think?

Share in the comment space below. Please.

Grabbing attention is tricky, especially for a 10-item tip sheet written for an upcoming green sale. One reader in Portland asked for some advice on writing quick, concise tips. Take a quick look at what she had, then we’ll discuss some ideas to tighten it up.

“Reduce Super Market Packaging—It’s Super Easy!
Buy bulk to reduce packaging waste and to ensure that you only buy what you need. Fill up your own reusable containers at the store to eliminate the need for plastic bags. You can even bring your own measuring cup or scoop so you don’t have to eyeball the quantity. Buy less, spend less, waste less.

Storables Solution: Snapware Bulk Food Totes with handles.”

Nice.
It’s concise, it reinforces the message of the sale, and it offers a useful tip.

A few basic observations:

• Avoid repeating ‘buy’ and ‘need’ in the first and second sentences (respectively) by using synonyms or rearranging the words.
• Let’s assume that grocery stores prefer customers use the individual scoops they provide for each item.

Now, Portland has many eco-minded inhabitants, but we can’t assume that everyone is on the bandwagon of reducing waste. Let’s broaden the appeal of the message by speaking first to the immediate benefits of buying bulk:

1. It saves money. Packaged goods include the cost of designing, printing and assembly.
2. It makes for a tidier, less cluttered kitchen. How? No more identical, half-full jars of spices, two or three opened packages of pasta, or other duplicate ingredients. It inherently forces organization on the kitchen.

Here’s what comes to mind first:

Reduce Super Market Packaging for Super Savings!*
Buying in bulk saves you money, tidies your kitchen and eliminates packaging waste. Bring your own reusable containers to the store and say ‘good-bye’ to accidentally buying what you already have at home. This small choice has a big impact as you’ll also reduce your need for plastic bags. Grab a Snapware Bulk Food Tote with handles to buy less, spend less, and waste less.

*What can I say? I’m a sucker for playful language. In all seriousness, a jovial even jocular tone with a little tongue-in-cheek lends itself to the friendly, inviting tone needed to attract customers to the sale. We are more receptive to ideas when we’re relaxed, so the light tone may even make the conservation message more palatable to skeptics.

Writer’s block: the mental demon of doubt and anxiety.
It paralyzes our writing process and clouds our mind.

In a moment, I’ll share a very simple technique to overcome writer’s block. But first, let me ask you: what ratio of time and effort do you give for planning, writing and editing?

I ask, because I used to believe I divided my attention evenly: 33% for each.

Recently, I realized that I spent twice as much energy on editing as I did on writing. What’s more, I find that every minute spent planning saves two or three while writing. Now, my writing process breaks down like this: 30% planning, 10% writing, and 60% editing.

Planning allows ideas to coalesce without any premature editing. (If you’re like me, without an outline your first sentence may be stifled by the internal editor ‘tut-tutting’ an imperfect attempt.) Knowing that I’ll spend more time editing relieves me of the burden to produce perfect writing on the first draft.

Can you guess what that simple technique is?
I call it ‘mind vomiting.’ An ugly term for a delightful process.

When I begin, I let myself write about anything; friends, weekend, frustrations, hopes, indigestion, etc. It may take up to a full page of single space text, but eventually all distractions drain from my head onto the screen. With a solid, logical outline close at hand, I then rein my mental meanderings to the topic, not worrying about cohesion, sounding smart, or fully explaining ideas. Because I give myself permission to ‘let loose’, the real amount of time for ‘writing’ is comparatively brief.

Once I’ve got that embarrassment of a first draft out, I begin the longer process of reshaping and polishing until I have the finished product. The internal editor quickly discards all the drivel, and then I give the remaining ideas the polish and refinement they deserve.

Next time you have writer’s block, try mind vomiting.
If nothing else, the warm up will serve you more than worrying about how to start.

Do you use another trick for demolishing writer’s block? Please share in comments.

Your time is valuable. When you’re reading, you want the author to be concise and precise.
Your readers will appreciate it if you extend them the same courtesy in your writing.

Let’s take a look at how this writing sample could be more concise, precise and ‘courteous’:

“The number one recommendation being made throughout the state of California by job and career transition counselors is to set up “informational interviews.” This is great advise because people create job opportunities, make introductions, motivate each other, share ideas, and support one another in a way job boards/postings alone cannot.”

1. ‘…being made throughout the state of’ is excessive. It doesn’t add anything to the sentence’s meaning.
2. The second sentence runs on with too many examples. A list of three usually ‘sounds’ better to our inner ear.
3. ‘alone’ commits the same crime of taking up space without adding meaning. Already, we know the comparison is between ‘informational interviews’ and ‘job boards/postings’.

These slimmer sentences value the reader’s time without sacrificing meaning.

“The top recommendation of California job and career transition counselors is to set up “informational interviews.” This is great advise: people create job opportunities, make introductions, and motivate one another in a way job boards/postings cannot.”

As you write, try to pick out any excess words. It will get easier with time.

— Questions or concerns about your writing?  Send them my way for some free, anonymous analysis! —

This colorful sentence illustrates a very common and correctable problem in writing.

Imagine asking a surgeon about the process they follow during an operation, and hearing them reply, “I don’t know, I just start cutting and hope it all works out.”

Let’s strip away everything but the ‘people’ words: ‘a surgeon’, ‘they’, ‘them’, and ‘I’. With this view, it’s hard to know whether the sentence refers to a single surgeon, or a group. (Either way, let’s hope you have some good insurance…)

‘They’ and ‘them’ -the plural pronouns- have been used instead of their singular counterparts: ‘he’ and ‘him’.

‘a surgeon’ establishes the ‘number’ which the rest of the sentence must obey. Thus, Imagine asking a surgeon about the process he follows during an operation, and hearing him reply, “I don’t know, I just start cutting and hope it all works out.”

Since we don’t know the surgeon’s gender, we could just as easily write ‘she’ and ‘her’ instead. Or, even ‘she or he’ and ‘her or him’. What’s important is that the number be consistent.

This is a fairly simple error; one that we all commit from time to time. At first, it may take an extra moment to remind yourself when writing and editing, but eventually it will become second nature. Soon, your effort will produce first-class writing.

— Questions or concerns about your writing?  Email me for some free writing advice! —

Even the newspapers have their awkward word choice from time to time.

Read the very end of this article about a retired gentleman who studied for, and participated in, a history class just for the pleasure of learning.

“As for his future, “Jack” has no plans to go full time and, say, join a fraternity. But, come January, he will be back in the classroom. To study the Great Depression. And to inspire those who meet him in the process.”

You may immediately criticize the use of ‘but’ and ‘and’ to begin sentences. Traditionalists may stick to the rules, even though this use is commonly accepted in everyday speech.
Let’s leave that debate in the style wars for another post.

What does the final phrase ‘in the process’ mean to you?

One option is that Jack’s return to the classroom in itself is inspirational.
Alternately, Jack’s dedication to studying could be what’s inspiring.

Moving “in the process” and rewriting the sentence solves the ambiguity and addresses the (potentially) problematic use of ‘but’ and ‘and’.

To preserve the article’s conversational style, I’ll keep the sentences short.
“In January, he will return to the classroom. To study the Great Depression. And, in the process, inspire others who meet him.”

For more formal writing, I would combine the sentences:
“In January, he will return to the classroom to study the Great Depression and, in the process, inspire others who meet him.”

Depending on your goals, a conversational style and bending the rules of grammar, may be appropriate. Just make sure that your message is clear, otherwise your reader may become mired in ambiguity and get frustrated.

Ever hear the saying “Don’t should on yourself”?

Within that cute pun lies a kernel of truth, best paraphrased by Jedi Master Yoda: “Do or do not. There is no try.” There’s nothing to be gained from telling oneself “I should do X, Y and Z today.” when instead thinking “Today I’ll do X, Y and Z.” sets an affirmative, productive tone.

What does this have to do with a blog on writing advice? Check out this sample below:

“If you’ve never written an e-newsletter, what you should do first is take a deep breath and relax. Then, you should decide how long you want your newsletter to be…”

Eliminating the use of ‘should’ not only tightens the copy, but also subtly refines the message:

“If you’ve never written an e-newsletter, take a deep breath and relax. Then, decide how long you want your newsletter to be…”

First, the phrase ‘what you should do first’ is filler. The same idea can be expressed as a shorter, simpler declaration, leaving the reader to decide for her/himself.

Second, no one likes to be told what s/he ‘should’ do. Removing ‘should’ changes the tone from finger-wagging command to offering a suggestion.

Experiment with the difference.
Then let me know what you think.
Please…

—————-ANY REQUESTS?——————–
Want to get more out of this blog? How about some free advice?

Send me your writing samples or style questions, and I’ll use them for future blog posts. Naturally, I will guard your privacy.
Also, I invite your feedback and suggestions for this blog. It’s meant for your benefit, so please let me know what you need. Many thanks.
mike@pivotalwriting.com

When we listen to a speaker, we always appreciate clear, concise language. Rambling is not welcome.
So why would we put up with anything less in writing?

How does this sentence take excess time to express itself?
In the 1970s, some of you may remember, there was an “oil crunch” in the United States. It was brought about by several historical factors, with the result being a large, rapid increase in the price of crude oil.

First, let’s eliminate ‘some of you may remember’. Regardless of memory, the ‘oil crunch’ happened.
Second, ‘was brought about by’ and ‘with the result being’ are lazy and bulky expressions. They’ve gotta go.

By slicing out the excess and merging what remains, we finish with a tighter sentence.

In the 1970s, several historical factors rapidly raised the price of crude oil, causing an “oil crunch” in the United States.

The collective attention span shrinks as fast as the quantity of reading material explodes. Using fewer words to convey more meaning respects the reader’s time. Writers must carefully choose their words.

With that in mind, pay special attention to the second sentence in this sample.

“There’s no such thing as a local story, a trade story, or even purely internal communication anymore. Everything has the ability to circumvent the globe at light speed, and corporate leaders are starting to become aware of this.”

What does “has the ability to” really mean? “Can” would do the same job in less space. Unless discussing features or capabilities, “having an ability” is a cumbersome, inferior expression.

Similarly, “…starting to become aware of this” is less direct than simply stating “…are becoming aware of this”. “Becoming” implies a transition of learning and change. We can shorten this idea further by declaring “…are catching on.” (True, this phrase is informal; context dictates word choice. Formal language may be as inappropriate as slang, depending on the context.)

Simple and clear: “Everything can circumvent the globe at light speed, and corporate leaders are catching on.” expresses the same idea without distracting phrases or excessive language.