Specifics. We all love specifics.
The internet has spoiled us with easy access to detailed information. We expect promises, forecasts and offers to be as specific as possible. Vagueness and ambiguity set off alarm bells and send up red flags.
Take a look at the following profile, which indulged in ambiguity (before) and has been strengthened with more specific language (after my help).
(before) James Ray Arnold, General Contractor and Green Builder. James is committed to creating the best green buildings possible using innovative strategies and technologies.(1) He and his crew work with clients to create resource-efficient, healthy, and beautiful spaces in remodels and new construction. They offer consultation and are happy to work with clients throughout the process of designing and building.(2) James has 15 years experience in the construction industry, and he specializes in new and restored structural and decorative architectural concrete for interiors and exteriors.(3) 541-206-2515, skypractice@gmail.com
(after) James Ray Arnold, General Contractor and Green Builder, champions the idea that you can live and work in a resource-efficient, healthy, and beautiful space. (4) Now you can avoid conventional construction practices that hemorrhage energy, tax your wallet, and strain our planet.(5) From design through construction, James will leverage innovative strategies and green techniques to create the most efficient building possible.(6) Whether you’re remodeling your commercial space or building your dream home, put James’s 15 years experience to work for you.(7) 541-206-2515, skypractice@gmail.com
- This sentence emphasizes James’s commitment, rather than the benefits of his services. Eventually, prospective customers will want a committed contractor, but at this early stage of ‘meeting’ James, they may be more interested in what they’ll gain from his ‘innovative strategies and technologies.’ Furthermore, ‘green buildings’ may establish a promise in the reader’s head that James will be unable to meet.
- What does ‘offering consultation’ specifically do for clients? ‘Happy to work with clients throughout the process of design and building.’ is on the right track, but we can be more specific with this promise.
- Naming a specialization helps readers self-qualify; they know whether they would be a good prospect for James.
- Nice and specific. Readers get a promise right up front.
- ‘Hemorrhage’, ‘tax’ and ‘strain’ collectively create imagery of waste, contrasting and accentuating the impact of James’s promise for efficient construction.
- Yep, we kept ‘innovative strategies and technologies’ because now they’re clearly related to a tangible benefit: ‘creating the most efficient building possible’.
- As always, end with a strong, clear call to action. This encourages more people to use the contact information below.
Does your professional profile make a specific promise, or set up an expectation in your target reader’s mind? If so, what is it, and how do you do it? Please share in the comments.
